Life as I know it….
08 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
This week I have started a new training for my career with the state. “For those who don’t know I have recently been named for all intents and purposes the Field Program Specialist for the Aged Blind and Disabled Medicaid Unit for my region. I say for all intents and purposes due to I get to do the job but I don’t get to receive the salary that goes along with the job so they just call me “Lead Supervisor” It is all good though.
The training is on building Leadership Capacity, and since I am a nerd about learning new things, I am finding it interesting. Yesterday we discussed the phases one goes through when taking on the role of supervisor, Loss, The Neutral Zone, and then New Beginnings. Right now I am smack in the middle of the Neutral zone, and not only in my career, I guess you can say life as well.
The Neutral Zone is defined as “this seemingly unproductive “time-out,” we feel disconnected from the past and emotionally unconnected to the present. The most frightening stage of transition, the Neutral Zone is really an important time for reorientation “This is the time when we feel most anxious, most vulnerable, and unsure of ourselves. While most people try to move through this as quickly as possible, according to my trainer it is actually a show of strength to stay in this zone, understand, and accept the changes you are going through.
I have been here before and will probably be here again one day, for we all go through changes in our lives, some refer to these changes as seasons. I fully expect to experience some trauma to my heart for instance the day Shayla leaves home to go to college, or the day one of my children come home and tell me they are getting married, etc. While these are things we all look forward to, they are also milestones that mark far more than the actually action taking place, they mark time moving on, you getting older and the fact that life as you knew it before that day will never be the same.
This got me of course to thinking about the changes I have gone through so far in my life. there have been many, and when I sit down , take the time to think about the phases in my life, I really don’t even recognize the person I have become, for years ago, the person I am now and the life I have would never have been imagined by the girl I was then.
Case in point, the building I am taking my training in, the training I am enrolled in because I have moved one step further up the ladder of management, is the same building 20 years ago I sat in to take my GED. The girl who walked into that building on that day, never dreamed she would one day be working for the State, as a part of the regional Management team no less. She was just in there so she would no longer be “embarrassed” that she quit school. That girl never dreamed she would one day have a Bachelors’ degree, never even entertained the thought that she would have a Master’s degree. That girl was just overjoyed that she recently got a job working in the Pet Department at Wal-Mart. This was her “Dream Job”
Pretty pathetic huh? But hey, at least she didn’t smell of grease and hamburgers anymore.
Down the road from that school is the Krystal’s she used to work in also, still standing there, still looks the same. I walked into the building dressed fairly nice and looked around, wondering if the ghost of that girl was still lurking around there, did she see me and wonder who the heck I was, Did she still wish to be someone else, maybe even me? Did she think when she looked at the car I drove, “ I wished I could drive a car like that? But I never will, I wished I could dress like that, but I never will” When I was that girl I remember thinking all those thoughts when seeing certain customers come in. Longing for something, more than I had at that time, but never really believing I would have it.
So this is me now, very different from the person I was twenty years ago, and I am sure a far cry from the person I will be twenty years from now. You know what though, I really like the person I am now, she really is not all that much different from that girl proud of earning her GED, and her new job at Wal-Mart. I may not be quite as trusting as that girl, or naïve, I am a lot smarter and have more self confidence than she did, not as much as I should I know but still a heck of a lot more than her.
Yet the heart, the heart is the same, and I guess that is all that really matters.
Work
16 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in life, Uncategorized, updates, Work Tags: ABD, DFCS, Work
Good news on the work front. No not a new job making $20,000 more a year, that would be nice. I did though get to make one more step up the ladder at work. For those who don’t know currently I served as a unit supervisor for a Medicaid eligibility unit. I supervise seven employees over eight counties. We determine eligibility for aged, blind or disabled (ABD) Medicaid clients that apply at their local DFCS office.
Well the supervisor over us recently retired. She got fed up and took it to the house. I have been eying her job for a while now since my long-term goal is to be ABD program administrator for the State, yeah pretty lofty goal I admit.
So since no one in the higher-ups in our region understand ABD, they needed someone to put “in charge”, and they can’t hire anyone else because basically the state is broke. This is where I come in, basically I am now the “intermit” supervisor for ABD in the region. What does that mean? Basically I am the link between the region and the state office, plus I get to make decisions for the regional ABD unit. I am pretty excited about it, I would be a heck of a lot more excited about it if I was able to be the actual supervisor and earn the salary that goes with that title. For right now though I will accept the challenge and the experience that comes with it. Maybe in a few years I will be able to move into the actual position if not in my current region then one somewhere in the state.
Walk MS
10 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in family, Uncategorized Tags: MS, MS Walk
My sister Lynn was diagnosis with MS a few months back. This was pretty devastating to her to develop such a life altering disease when she was just really beginning to start her life. She has really been a trooper though and handling all that life has been dealing her.
Today when I was helping her look for some resources on the ‘net for meds etc. for her condition I happen upon the page for a Walk MS event in Albany coming up in March. So I decided that I would join! I have always wanted to do something like this, but have always let my own fears of who knows what stop me from at least trying. It is still a few months away, but I am excited. If you have a chance check out my page on the site and support if you can. No amount is too small or too large! Thanks! 
Going through Changes
09 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Well I know a few months ago I said I was back, and then I left again…to be honest the last few months have been for me as close to hell as I think I have ever come emotionally. Maybe it was my own making, maybe not, either way I lived it and hopefully I am now at the other end to talk about it.
Although I won’t.
My motto is there is an Eminem song for every phase of my life. This is why I am drawn to his music so much, now I am not saying I have a desire to put my spouse in the trunk of my car and drive off a cliff, but I can relate to the F’ed up childhood, the feeling of not being good enough no matter how hard you try, and the making something out of your life when everyone tried to tell you that you wouldn’t amount to ish.
I think I turned out pretty well, considering what the alternative could have been. And for those who don’t agree in the words of Em:
“fuck the world Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if it thinks it’s stoppin me
I’ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearin down your balcony”
Jaimee’s First Frosty
08 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
Daddy brought Jaimee home a Jr. Frosty last weekend, she really enjoyed it!
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I’m back!
25 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
I almost forgot about the blog just life and stuff getting hectic. Anyways I am back and will try to update more. Since the last time I posted we had a baby, the boy turned out to be a girl and her name of course is Jaimee. Shayla is in her last year of middle school, Tai is in his last year of elementary school and Zaynah is through Pre-K and now in kindergarten.
James and I are still social workers, still no raise, actually making less as each year go by with the rise in health insurance and furloughs. Well that is about it, I am sure I left something out, when I remember I will be sure to write about it!
Shayla’s track meet
30 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
I finally got to go to one of Shayla’s track meets last week. She really surprised me, while she was running she got her team up into 2nd place, they eventually WON! Go Shayla!
Here are a few pictures for that day, and yes the girls mostly stood around and talked while waiting for their turn to run!
Surprise Surprise!
30 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
I have always thought that just when we have it all figured out, God steps in and puts us in out place. Around Thanksgiving of last year he really put James and I in our place. I started to feel the all too familiar signs of being pregnant again. At first I am ashamed to admit that I ignored them. I guess in the back of my mind if I ignored it long enough it would just go away. Yeah right. We already have three kids, two girls and a boy, a boy who is proud to tell anyone who will listen that he is our only son. It is a role he has gotten pretty accustom to in his eight years on earth. Well I guess he is about to become unaccustomed to it!
In July our family will welcome another son into the world. I have to give credit to my little man, he is overjoyed he has a brother on it’s way to help him cope with the very difficult task of having two sisters, someone to wage the battle with him so to speak. I have to say I agree with him somewhat since I also have two sister and it ain’t easy!
In all honesty after the shock wore off, we are extremely grateful that we have been blessed with wonderful healthy children and are super excited to welcome another, I am sure to be wonderful little person into our family. I am shocked each and every day as to how much my children have taught me, and they truly are a blessing to myself and James. Even if they are a drain on our bank accounts! I am also so very blessed to have a husband that truly believes in equal rights, in that he is very hands on with the kids and housework, I don’t think I could have handled one child let alone the soon to be four, without him!
For some reason the realization that I am about to be the mother of four kids has set me on some sort of quest to be super mother, as most of you know James and myself come from a family of four kids, when we just had three we could lie to ourselves and say the reason we could give them more than what our parents gave us is because there are less of them then there were of us! Well I can’t say that anymore! So I am now on a quest to become supermom, and save tons of money on groceries, etc, know all the ways to teach my kids to be a genius, the best way to discipline them, on and on! So feel free to let me know of any ideas you have, I know I am not the only working mother of four on the planet, and I think I am going to need all the help I can get!
Savannah
06 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
Here are some more pictures of James and my visit to Savannah last weekend. I had a long list of things to do while in Savannah but did not take into account the weather as it was freezing while we were there! I do not think I would have enjoyed a ghost walk while shriving the entire time!
I had a wonderful time anyways! We did manage a trip down to river street where I took these pictures at, with out a doubt our next trip to Savannah will be during warmer weather!
Stephanies Wedding
06 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in family, Uncategorized
Last weekend we visited Savannah for Stephanie’s wedding. It was a nice break from the stress of daily life and it was wonderful to celebrate Stephanie and her new husband’s big day!
The ceremony was beautiful and touched everyone in attendance, married, engaged or still looking for Mr. or Miss Right. It was truly a blessing to attend and be a part of it.
Here are a few pictures of the big day, if you are my friend on facebook you can see tons more of them! James was so kind as to act as photographer for me since in all honesty, my new camara like my new phone are smarter than I am!
